It has been a while since I’ve written. Again. I could say a lot about life right now… but the truth is, I’ve fallen silent intentionally. Because, in some seasons, I think our souls need that.

A lot of my talents tend to be public ones. I lead things, I write things, I start things, I coach things… And while I get so much life from that, I often need to remind myself that pulling away for a bit is okay, too.

Not long ago, I was approached to take on a position that I normally would have jumped at – something that I really would have loved to do. “Love” doesn’t even seem like a strong enough word. This was a chance to once again do my thing in life – the thing I wish I could do forever and hadn’t done for quite a long time. I was craving it.

And I still said, “no”.

I had some reasons like the schedule, like I wasn’t ready, like I had too much on my plate already. But the best and most honest reason I could give myself and others is simply this: some seasons just aren’t meant for the stage. And some seasons aren’t meant for the page, either.

Not for the stage, not for the page – the phrase echoes in my head like a Dr. Seuss rhyme. There are times when the thing that brings us the greatest life is just that simple, “no”.

I’ve been in a season of searching and continued healing. Sometimes the pain of things I’ve gone through still overwhelms me. I want to say something to all of you to bring encouragement, light, humor… but words have been failing me. I keep trying to find clarity, but I guess most things are clearer in retrospect and not so much when you’re in the thick of them.

So right now all I have is this: You have permission to be silent.

You don’t have to always figure it out. You don’t have to explain where you are at all the time and why you are feeling what you are feeling. Some things don’t have words or explanations. Some pain just comes out in groans. Some questions echo across the void and no answer comes back – yet…. or ever. And some things we just need to search out on our own.

I’ve become less and less terrified of silence. I’ve felt less need to fill it with noise and chaos. Instead of feeling empty and frightening, silence now brings me comfort and peace. I don’t feel the need to constantly explain myself or reach big conclusions or come up with answers for other people. Because their pain, too, doesn’t always have words. So sometimes I listen in silence, just to listen.

I don’t think we have to have it all together to be writers, speakers, leaders, friends, parents, etc. But I believe more and more that some seasons are meant to be private ones – off the stage, off the page – as we search out the deeper things inside of us, finding clarity and regaining peace.

We need to take seasons to just be ourselves and to learn what that looks like as we go through life and change along the way.

So I’ve taken this time, once again, to learn more about myself. I’ve done a lot of reading, poured time into my little family, worked on things that are important to me, and spent time with close friends and family. I’ve felt the need to narrow my field of vision to the things that matter most while I search out some of the questions rising from deep within me.

Thank you for your patience. And if any of this resonates with you, take some time for yourself, whatever that looks like in your life. You won’t be sorry. Here’s your permission.